


Properly Horrifying

by 2babyturtles



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Awkwardness, Crack, Drabble, Gen, Mrs. Hudson was baaaad, Platonic Soulmates, Porn Watching, not porn though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 18:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12091161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2babyturtles/pseuds/2babyturtles
Summary: Sherlock retrieves his phone and sends a quick text. A moment later, the man in question responds, evidently grateful for any news. “Dick Megadong….” he reads aloud. They meet eyes silently for a moment until a low chuckle erupts from Sherlock’s chest and John guffaws loudly.





	Properly Horrifying

“This isn’t weird.”

“Nope.”

“It’s research.”

“Yep.”

“It’s loading?”

“Yeeep.”

There aren’t many things John knows more about than Sherlock, and they’re rarely things that Sherlock wants to know about. In this case, however, when a man’s life relies on the strength of his alibi, any and all information is crucial. It just so happens that the expert Sherlock can best consult is his own flatmate.

“Does it always take this long?” Sherlock asks, staring at the screen with concerned eyes.

“Mm…. Not always. Usually,” John admits. His face is set in a hard expression, concentration overpowering whatever other emotions he’s feeling, which undoubtedly includes discomfort.

They’re quiet for a long time until Google Chrome finally comes up on John’s laptop and an empty search box presents itself. Sherlock can’t help being amused that John is so uncomfortable. Sitting on the floor, both men have shifted their positions. However, John can’t seem to stop. Considering his previous limp and variety of injuries, it’s pretty impressive.

“John,” Sherlock soothes, “if this really bothers you I can probably sort it out on my own.”

“No, we don’t have a lot of time,” he grimaces. “Best to get on with it. Did you have anything…ah…specific? You’d like to look for?”

They stare at the orange and black logo and it seems to stare back. “Well, the man is older, and a bit of a classic. More likely to be interested in some of the softer stuff. So try something almost romantic-“ John types _massage_ “-but he’s also dissatisfied. His marriage isn’t working and he’s reminiscing about his time abroad. Something exotic then-“ John adds _exotic,_ earning a cocked eyebrow from the detective “-but again, classic.” John adds _classic_ as the final keyword, and shrugs when the suggestions include _smoking_ and “MILF? What’s a MILF?”

“That’s not important,” John remarks, blushing softly.

The results are properly horrifying. Sherlock very politely ignores the links that are purple, a clear sign John has at least visited the video before. Most of them are blue and he sighs inwardly. “How are we supposed to find him?” Sherlock asks, squinting at the thumbnail images.

John grimaces again, not particularly fancying the same sort of examination, and moves his cursor back to the search bar instead. “He wouldn’t use his name of course, but if it’s still on here we can find it. Give me some years, when do you think he…made it?” He shudders.

Sherlock does a quick calculation and responds, “Maybe the seventies? Probably America.”

“You don’t know what his stage name might be?”

Sherlock retrieves his phone and sends a quick text. A moment later, the man in question responds, evidently grateful for any news. “Dick Megadong….” he reads aloud. They meet eyes silently for a moment until a low chuckle erupts from Sherlock’s chest and John guffaws loudly.

“Dick Megadong,” John repeats, laughing as he types it into the search. “Do you think it’s because-“

“Dear Lord. Yes, I do.”

They don’t have to get close to see precisely why their client might’ve chosen the last name, and they grimace in unison. “You know, you’ve ruined porn for me,” John muses, shaking his head sarcastically. “I can’t unsee this.”

“Ah, well, you spent a lot of time on here, I’m sure you’ll bounce back.” Sherlock can’t help smiling, despite the awkwardness.

John scrolls slowly, searching for the video that will prove the man’s alibi. “American Megadong and Royal Dancer,” John reads, politely censoring the worst of the title. He squints at the thumbnail of a woman’s face, and frowns. “She looks so familiar,” he remarks.

“Is that normal? To recognize old favorites or something?”

“No,” John responds, suddenly horrified. “No, look.” He points at the screen and leans back, as if the last thing he wants is to see the screen anymore.

Curly brown hair frames a small face with sharp brows and a small mouth. Dark eyes peer lustfully into the camera. “Is that…? She said she was a _dancer_!”

They gap at the screen for a moment until John suddenly slams the laptop shut. “We never say a word,” he announces. “Agreed?”

“Agreed.”


End file.
